Farewell 2010! Hello 2011

2010 has been an interesting year. First year back on "normal" sea duty and also Alison's first dealings with patrol. Also a year that showed me just what I can handle and deal with when I don't have Ryan to lean on. (And when he needs me to be the strong one.) This year has also seen some friendships come to an end, while others are blooming and going strong. It's been a year of ups and downs, but general good overall.

I hope that 2011 brings us good times. Ryan takes the chief's test again in January. Alison is 3 now and growing like a weed. I hope to finish my teeth repair as well as get my license. (As well as working on that entire fear of driving thing.) I also hope to show myself that I can do things on my own. That I am as strong as Ryan tells me that I am. I also hope that 2011 is a little less dramatic. The end of 2010 has proven to be rough in the drama department, and I would love a break from that. (A three year old is plenty of drama. lol)

So I as I sit here alone (Alison and Ryan are both already passed out asleep), I hope everyone has a good holiday. I plan to start up another blog (while hopefully keeping this one more active) while Ryan is gone. It'll be an outlet for my roleplay writing and just other general writing. That way the folks that want to avoid the geeky roleplay can easily do that.

Take care and please be safe. I can't believe that come May, I will be out of highschool for 10 years. *gasp* hehe

Thoughts on bullies, being bullied, and wondering why it happens?

Over the past month, there has been a lot of news reports about teenagers, college students, and people that have committed suicide over bullying. Many of these tragedies were over being bullied just because of sexual orientation. I will never understand making someone's life miserable due to them loving someone of their own sex. I do not care the justifications that bullies make. I don't care if you think it's a sin. I don't. Bullying someone to the point that the only option they see is taking their own life is sickening, and in my eyes, ten times a worse sin than homosexuality.

I've been picked on dating as far back as elementary school. I have horrible teeth, and literally can remember being teased about them from first grade on. It is with out a doubt the source of my self esteem issues over my teeth and appearance. Sometimes I've love to throw a brick at some of the bullies heads. But I disgress...

I don't remember much about teasing or bullying in middle school. It was probably there, but I've slept since then. (Child birth also zapped some of my brain cells, I swear.) Now, high school, that I remember. In particular, I remember one boy who seemed to be the head of the teasing department. He was the typical cocky, richie rich, prep asshole. I know, harsh words, but I literally remember this guy always having some crack about me.

One time I remember being in fencing (Yes, I was a fencer. hehe) and he was there. I hated that he was there. Fencing was my refuge from the prep crowd. The fencing room was my safe spot, but there he was. I was dating a guy at the time, and Richie Rich seemed to find it hilarious. It's like he couldn't accept that someone would like me. (Insert some more self esteem issues here.) I counted the days until he swapped over to health for the year. I also went to school during the time frame (and I'm guessing it probably still happens) that if you didn't have the right brand name clothes you just were not worth a damn. (Let's not mention that garment A and garment B look the same except for pattern/color.)

I ended up doing what most bullied kids do. Internalized the entire damn lot of insults, quirks, ect. In my head I had these fabulous arguments and come backs for them. Wanting to tell them to be glad that they can have anything they need(and want), no worries about eviction notices, no worries about utilities being turned off, ect. Not everyone's world was as perfect as their's.

Thankfully, I had some kick ass friend's in high school. Fencing team helped me keep my sanity. I also had some other friends that all stuck together through our four years there. I wish/hope that I can get back in good touch with all of them. The years (oh hell, almost a decade now) have sent us in many directions.

Now, only once in my life have I contemplated suicide. At the time I was alone in Chicago, emotionally abused into a pulp by the guy that I dated at the time, and feeling a wee bit of a failure at college. God only knows why I didn't do what I thought about that night. I do know that it took me a while to crawl out of that dark place. (Man, are my journal entries from that time interesting...) I am glad I crawled out. Glad I ended up finding a pretty spiffy guy that was willing to take on damaged goods and saw something in me that I still strive to completely see even now.

My point to all of this rambling - It really does get better. Nothing will ever be perfect. Life is an ever evolving puzzle with complications and surprises, but it's not always bad. On my bad days, I just have to remember that I have a husband that loves me despite my faults and a beautiful daughter who thinks I'm magic. (Seeing the world through a toddler's eyes is truely a delight on a daily basis.) If I could have someone learn one thing from this - don't keep it all in yourself. I tend to do that. It's what my husband and father in law call "Getting lost in my head." While I'm usually a-okay with that thanks to my personality type, sometimes I will over brood, over think, and totally fubar myself. Talk to some one. Write in a journal. Just get it out. Find an outlet for your frustration. Do what you have to to get it out.

This is definitely a post that I could not leave without some songs. These are very meaningful songs that have struck something with me recently - be recent happenings or past memories. They have stuck with me.

Three Days Grace - Pain - "I'd rather feel pain, than nothing at all." Been there, done that. You can only take so much of being numb.



Three Days Grace - Never Too Late - It never is to late to try to pick yourself up, right the wrongs, and make things work. There is always tomorrow and a path through the maze.



Linkin Park - Waiting for the End - A very true song about how sometimes life gets out of our control, and we find ourselves waiting for the end. The song also talks about how this isn't the end, but the beginning of a new chapter.



Katy Perry - Firework - To be honest, I didn't hear this song until today, but it struck me hard. (As in teary eyed.) She's dedicating it to the It Gets Better Project. It is a song about finding that spark inside of you. The goodness we all have and showing the world.




I can only hope that my generation will raise children that won't bully or judge. I know that won't completely happen, because Utopia is impossible. Yet, I hope that maybe we can help minimalize it, so that ten years down the road, it's not children my daughter's age in the news for this. A mom can hope, right?

Heh...

Life's been busy. I've forgotten to do the pics for my 365 project, so I'm just going to restart it. I swear, by the time things settle down, they get crazy again.

Is it really fall?

It was 105 here in Phoenix yesterday. Supposed to be over 100 again today. So I have to wonder - is it really fall? LOL

I'm so done with summer, hot weather, and humidity. I'm ready for the cooler weather. And as much as I hate storms, I'm ready for rain. (I'm so not built for the desert.)

365 Project: Runaway Day!

Today I got my "Runaway Day" today. It was time for myself to just walk around by myself. I went to Arizona Mills to do a little shopping. I found some stuff for Alison, and also some stuff for myself. I've been wanting to see these movies for a bit. I saw Prince of Persia in the theater and loved it. I've always had a thing for Robin Hood movies, so of course, I want to see how this version holds up.

365 Project: Cheesecake!

So this past week, Ryan and I have talked about going to get dessert and watch a movie together once the kiddo was in bed. We did that last night! I've been hearing about Cheesecake Factory for YEARS, but just about the cheesecake. We actually ate there as well, and man is the food very yummy. (Ryan had the wild mushroom burger and I had fish tacos. And I swear...I'm in love with Baja Mexican food!)

We brought our desserts home. This is mine. It was a Reese's peanut butter cup cheesecake/cake mix. Man was it rich but good!

(Oh and I promise to catch up on these pics, so expect to see another post with today's picture!)

365 Project

I've been thinking of doing this for awhile. For those that don't know what it is, basically you take one picture a day for a year. I wanted to start it a little earlier, but as you know, husband unit threw a wrench into our plans. (He is feeling better, by the way hehe.)

So I started this yesterday - The first day of my seventh year of marriage. The 22nd was our anniversary. I figure it was a good time to start, not to mention, I'm hoping this year will be better and smoother for us.

And now for my picture. This is my "desk" of sorts at the in-laws house. It's basically the dinning room table. Since my laptop has been where I've spent a lot of my time this vacation between researching medical terms I'd never heard before and keeping myself sane, it's a fitting first look into my daily life.

The Best Laid Plans....

....are doomed for epic failure!

As you can tell, I haven't blogged since we left Louisiana for Phoenix. This is because two days into our stay here, my husband came down sick. What we first thought was the flu, turned out to be cellulitis that had turned septic. Cliff notes version: A bug bite (or who knows what) got infected, and then the infection went into his blood.

His case ended up baffling doctors. He has had two hospital stays, and finally seems to be on the road to recovery. As I write this, he is home now on IV antibiotics for another week. He'll have his check up on the 22nd to see what the doctors think of his wounds on his leg. Until the doctor's clear him, he is grounded from traveling back home.

For as CRAPPY timing as this is, it did happen in the best location. Being here in Phoenix, we had great hospitals, grandparents to watch Alison, and a great support system. It's been a frustrating vacation to say the least and a scary one. We are lucky Ryan didn't get sicker. It was pretty shocking to hear what "could" have happened. I'm beyond thankful that he is now healing up. I did tell him that I'm done with major sickies for about another decade or longer.

It's been a change of pace for me. I'm usually the quiet, behind the scenes planner of the relationship. With Ryan sick and in the hospital, I've had to be the extroverted decision maker. Talk about taking the introvert out of her comfort bubble. Ryan had the opposite - The extrovert "I DO IT" that had to rely on others for help. It's been a trying time, but we're making it through. It always seems that with our opposite personalities, we do fill in well for the other when needed. Granted, I am happy that I'm slowly been able to return to my little introverted bubble. *giggle*

And it has been henceforth decreed that we are not planning ANYMORE vacations outside of the final destination. The two times we've done it, they've been trashed by illness or injury.

How to love your INFJ?

(Found this linked here)


This thread is for tips for those who have INFJs in their lives, but are not INFJs themselves. I’ve noticed that there are quite a few members here who are looking for this sort of advice, so this is the place to offer it – be the relationships romantic, friendly, professional, or otherwise.

Here are my tips for the Proper Care of Your INFJ if you are in a romantic relationship with us.

1. Your INFJ adores you more than they can express with words. Even if they don’t tell you verbally, they will show you how they feel through their patience, kindness, and willingness to please you.

2. Thank your INFJ with sincere hugs and kisses, and tell us you appreciate the things that we do for you. Just knowing that you’re aware of it is reward enough to keep us overjoyed (and enthusiastically continuing to do all the things you love that we do for you).

3. If an INFJ is in a romantic relationship with you, they consider you their number one priority in life. Your happiness and well being are the most important things in their lives.

4. Your INFJ can sense your emotions even more acutely than if you were telling us with words. We can feel what you are feeling. Don’t be alarmed by this as we will never use it against you. However, this means you can never lie to us. If you try, we will know, it will hurt our feelings badly that you did.

5. We love it when you just walk up to us and hold us. No words. Nothing complicated. Just gently wrap your arms around us and focus on how you feel about us. We can feel it like it is pouring out of you and into us. Don’t be alarmed if we cry when you do this.

6. We love to listen. Don’t be afraid to tell us what is on your mind, even if we didn’t ask. We love you and respect your privacy, and don’t like to pry.

7. We also love it when you listen to us. Please ask us questions to show us that you care, and let us talk when you do. The more intently you are interested in how we feel and what we have to say, the more we will love you.

8. Sometimes we need to recharge our minds, and will sit and stare blankly into space. This is perfectly normal, as your INFJ is rebooting their amazing mind. Systems will be online again shortly.

9. We thrive in an environment with just you, and a few of our closest loved ones. The more opportunities you help us create for these kinds of environments, the happier we will be.

10. We don’t do well in crowds for extended periods. We will join you in them if that’s where you want to go, but please be mindful of the duration of contact. INFJs may become unresponsive and even irritable when exposed to crowds for too long.

11. While we are extremely affectionate with you, we’re generally not interested in being affectionate with anyone else, and physical contact with strangers may unsettle your INFJ. It is best to keep strangers from attempting to pet your INFJ.

12. Your INFJ accepts you for everything you are. However, INFJs can be especially eccentric. If you accept your INFJ’s eccentricities and peculiar interests, this will greatly increase your INFJ’s happiness.

13. INFJs are otherwise very self sufficient low maintenance pets, and can be left to their own little worlds for extended periods. However, infrequent moments of affection are always appreciated.

14. Always kiss your INFJ goodnight and tell them that you love them, even if you’re not going to sleep when they do.

15. Always cuddle with your INFJ when they wake up and greet their day with love.

16. Your INFJ will have a reflex to help others. Do not be alarmed by this, as it does not in any way reflect on how your INFJ feels about you, or your relationship. It is simply our nature to help others – sometimes to a degree that makes the ones we love assume they are less of a priority. Nothing could be further from the truth.

17. Your INFJ is a planner. Sometimes spontaneity leaves us in a position that we cannot plan how to best make you happy, and we find this upsetting. Please understand that we are never upset with you, only the situation.

18. Your INFJ is very idealistic and principled. If you need us to go against our ideals or principles to make you happy, this can cause us a great deal of internal turmoil and tension. Please be mindful of our ideals and principles and avoid asking us to go against them.

19. When an INFJ’s ideals or principles are offended, we will pull away quickly. This may look very similar to our normal modes of being lost in our heads to the untrained eye, as we do not like to cause tension or disharmony. To best care for your INFJ, learn to spot this reaction and quickly make right whatever was wrong, even if it is simply an opinion. This will bring us back to the harmony we need to be our healthiest.

20. No one will ever love you as much as your INFJ.

Two different worlds

Ryan likes to joke at times that I live in the clouds and he is grounded. I think that I've talked about on here before how my husband and I are complete opposites! He is an ESTP personality type, while I am an INFJ. This definitely makes for some interesting times in our house hold. Today I was reminded of one. Let me set the scene...

I'm in planning mode. Planning out my week, packing, what myself, the little one and Ryan need on the road, and general panicking at the upcoming road trip. Not to mention crawling out of my own skin out of being anxious to see my husband after 5 months.

Ryan...

Cool as a cucumber. Prepping the car, the apartment, wrapping things up at work, ect.

I asked him today if he was excited. His reply "I thought you figured my personality out after 9 months of pregnancy." I remember talking to his father about this all when I was pregnant. I was curious (and a little frustrated at the time) as to why Ryan wasn't giddy as a school girl, like I was. Ryan's personality is one of seeing things through to the end. Sure enough, the day our daughter was born he was happy as a clam. Tired, but thrilled.

So I guess, sometimes he does ground me...*grin* So I, in my boredom, tonight, started googling our personality types. Here are some funnies I found for my INFJ ways:

As a Battlestar Galactica lover (so need to finish it up...), I love this one. I also love that it's Apollo, one of my favorite characters.







And of course...one for Ryan:

So...where is your husband?

(Looking at my old blog, I found this post...enjoy!)




Who knows what made me think about this today, but, here are some funny ways I've explain where my husband is when the Navy kidnaps him away. Keep in mind this are coming from a Trident/Missile Tech wife.

1) He is playing hide and go seek. (This one gets interesting looks.)
2) Business trip. (I usually say this when people won't leave me alone when it comes to asking about where Ryan is.)
3) He'll be back in X amount of time. (This can vary from a guestimate of the time or me saying 3 months, when I know the pull in date is next week.)
4) Playing air boss. (He controls the only thing with potential for flight on a trident. Plus, I can neither confirm nor deny him answer the phone at launcher with "Tower, Air boss.")
5) Being a rocket scientist. (Well...he is!)
6) Off being Navy Boy. (Typical answer for NOTU ops because I really don't want to explain FCETs to people, plus that entire OPSEC thing...lol.)
7) Playing with seamen. (Yes, I'm a sick puppy, and my mind has been warped by a missile tech. Fear me. *grin*)
8) Somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean. (I get neat looks from this one. It also shuts up "Where does he go when he is on the sub?" They don't believe "I don't know.")
9) Re-inacting Down Periscope. (Need I say more?)
10) Driving some khaki crazy. (I believe this is one of the main jobs of Missile Techs.)
11) Memorizing OPNAVs. (Boredom + Fire control = Really bored Ryan. This, however, is usually done after all other means of entertainment have been exhausted.)
12) Pissing off the back aft folk. (He is nuke waste. So, he knows them too well.)
13) Being practical jokester #1. (I love my husband's sick, twisted sense of humor.)
14) Doing strange things with DitDots. (I never knew what DitDots were until I married Ryan. Well I knew what they were, just not the term DitDots. Oh the possibilities I have learned.)
15) Inventing new forms of rickey rockets. (I'm still not allowed to have a true rickey rocket. Something about the caffine going straight to my already overly active hyperness.)

Sometimes you have to go home again...

My time back here in Louisiana is coming to a close. It's been an interesting 5 months. I will say that the long nights have lead to lots of thinking. I got back into a lot of my old hobbies - writing, roleplaying and guiding. Writing is good for me. As Ryan tells me sometimes, I'm too artsie fartsie for my own sake. Writing gives me an outlet. Even if it just sits on my computer or in a journal. Roleplaying also gives me a creative outlet that I've been missing.

Also, the time here helped me stop some bad habits. I got too sucked into EQ2 before we left. It was causing my to neglect some of the real world, and I'm sorry for that. I do miss raiding, but I'm happy in my little nook of the world there now. Not to mention, I re-connected with some long lost friends. Silly rangahs and druids, among others!

For all the frustrations that a two year old brings, I've gotten to spend a lot of time with her and understand her a lot better. I've got to seem her start talking and turn into this sponge, craving knowledge. In some terms, she is a completely different kid from when we left. I does hurt me that Ryan misses some of these milestones. I guess that is why I try to take so many videos and photos. I also emailed him during patrol about all her adventures.

As I sit here listening to videos on Vevo, I just think about what all has happened. I'm getting insanely nervous for some reason about being back with Ryan, but I always get that feeling after a patrol. I do feel more "myself" than I have in awhile. We'll see if it holds out once we're back in Georgia. I think and hope it will. I have proven to myself that I can make life work when Ryan is gone. I needed to prove that to myself.

Now coming up we have the hard part of this trip - the saying good bye. Those always kill me. This will also be the first time that Alison's been old enough to "get" that part. It's always bitter sweet. I'm happy beyond belief to be back with Ryan, but sad to know my parents will be upset. We'll be back here after the first of the year though to finish work on my mouth. Not to mention the ever fun, getting back used to being around Ryan. I do think that part is hard for him, especially with Alison. I just have to remember to be patient. (Someone remind me to be patient...LOL)

My hopes for vacation:
- Alone time with my hubby (I love my daughter...but I haven't gotten much alone time with Ryan in her almost 3 years on this Earth. lol)
- Seeing what Ali thinks of Phoenix and the road trip. She seemed to have a ball on the Louisiana leg of this adventure. Now she has loads more words, so that will be fun.
- To take Alison to see pandas. Oh this will be interesting. She's also requested to see a mountain. (She currently thinks that anything hill-like, taller than her, is a mountain...)
- To just have fun and attempt to not stress. (I fully expect Ryan to get me drunk to keep me from stressing...LOL. Or knock me over the head with a rock.)

And of course, to conclude this rambling mess...some of my favorite videos from this summer:



I love just about anything Shakira. The woman has always fascinated me. I'd love to see her in concert one day. And speaking of here...this is another video of her's that I love:



I am absolutely amazed with the dance routine. It's beautifully passionate. Never seen anything like it. Love it!



Yes, I discovered Adam Lambert. This song is the cause. Yes, he is a little quirky, but some of the songs are rather catchy. And listening to this song, I've officially been married to Ryan too long. I catch myself figuring out parodies. When he sings the line, "I've got a boots on.." my mind sings "I've got my stripper heels on." (Which is actually a line later in the song. LOL)

I hope everyone has had a good summer. I should still be able to blog/get online some from the in-laws house. Stay safe!

The 3 year plan

I've come to the decision that there are somethings that I want to accomplish before I turn 30. You can say this summer gave me lots of time to think, and a few choice kicks in the butt from the husband unit to get things rolling. So, I figure I could blog about it, to sort of put it down for me to follow. Or atleast try.

1) Get Healthy - This includes a few things. I want to loose 100lbs. I'm giving myself sometime. I know changing my eating habits will take a bit, plus I really need my teeth totally done. That brings me to the other part, finish my teeth and get the implants. Ryan pushed me to get it done, and I've started it. I want to see it through. I also need to get my ear re-checked. It's due, and I've been putting it off.

2) Work on myself - Try to keep mellowing out. I also would love to get back to school. It'll take a bit. I also want to keep writing and get back into old hobbies that I've missed. Also take time for myself, which I've neglected lately.

3) Work on family - Make sure to spend time with my husband and daughter. Not to get so sucked into something to neglect the world around me. I also wouldn't mind alteast being pregnant again by the end of this three year plan. Alison asks me about babies. I tell her maybe one day. I'd also like to start working with her on homeschool stuff. Making the most of our days. I also want to keep being a good and supportive wife to Ryan, especially with him being back on sea duty.

In three years, I will be 30, married for ten years, and have a six year old. I want to get myself healthy to hopefully avoid some of the medical issues that my family has struggled with. I also want to be healthy so that when I get pregnant again there aren't as many risks. Like Ryan told me one time, sometimes you have to make the hard choices. Put yourself and your needs before your wants. As much as I want another child, I need to be healthier first.

I guess we'll see where this plan leads over the next three years. I have good hopes. I work well with plans and goals.

The Eatting of Eat, Pray, Love

I recently decided to join a book club. (Yes, the slow reader...in a book club...Blame the Nook.) This club is over at Cloth Diaper Nation, which covers much more than cloth diapers. (We're a diverse bunch, what can I say? *grin*) Our first selection that we voted on was Eat, Pray, Love. This is a memoir by Elizabeth Gilbert. To get down to basics, this book is broke up into 3 separate books. Gilbert has a pretty neat explanation behind her division of the book, which I won't spoil. The first book, Eat, covers her time in Italy.

(If you'd like no spoilers, stop reading now. I will try to keep them at a minimum regardless.)


This first book does explore the back story of what prompted Gilbert's trek around the world. There is a span of a few years that Gilbert finds herself in a very dark place. They are also experiences that you can relate to with her writing about them. She describes some very painful memories with the clarity of hindsight. During this time period, September 11th happens. The destruction and chaos of New York during that time seems to mirror her real life during the same period. A couple of years past that point, she finds her self clear of the baggage and on a voyage to Italy.

Gilbert has a love affair with Italy and the Italian language. She makes the final choice to go on this world adventure to regain some of herself. After a divorce, heartache, and the word of a medicine man, she takes a leap of faith of sorts. Despite some shakey days, she does find her footing in Italy. Drowning herself in the food and gelato of Rome, Gilbert finds that she can be happy without needing someone else there. She also completes a life long dream of learning to speak Italian.

So far the book as been a fair quick read. Some of the starting chapters are a little tough to get into. We'll see if that continues in Pray and Love. A lot of the writing seems to be very stream of conscious. As if Gilbert and the reader are sitting down over a platter of the finest pizza from Naples while she tells of about the grand adventure. I am curious to see just how the upcoming movie will portray some of these stories. Will it be in a chronological order or done via flashbacks like some of the chapters of Eat do? We'll see.

Now...time to Pray.

Boobs: Breastfeeding Awareness!

August is Breastfeeding Awareness Month. Over the last two and half years, I've become a very large supporter of breastfeeding. I still remember when I got pregnant and not really thinking about it. I just knew I wanted to try breastfeeding. My first "goal" was 6 months. I figured with the rough start that my daughter and I had, that we'd be lucky to reach that goal. Fast forward to about when she was 28 months, and she self weaned. 15ish of those months were almost exclusively breastfeed because the silly girl wanted nothing to do with solid foods.

I still remember many times from about 6 months to about a year old, people would see this chunky monkey baby on my hip and ask me "What do you feed her?" "Umm...95% breast milk." Then about the time they picked their jaws off of the floor, they would be telling me how awesome that was. I had a few people that were not as supportive, but I learned early on in my daughter's life to do what worked for us, not someone else. I still remember from day 1, my husband told me that feeding the babe was my department and to let him know if I needed help. He was a huge support for me during the sometimes endless nights with teething and growth spurting. Making sure I stayed calm so that my milk wasn't affected. My daughter's pediatrician was also very supportive of her breastfeeding as long as we did. Many times he said "Why mess with what is working?"

I do hope that breastfeeding looses some of the stigma that it has here in the States. Why should I have to stop on the 1 year birthday? Especially now when it's recommended to go for two years. It seemed that I got more "odd" comments the longer we went past a year. Would I go past two years again? If the baby wanted it and it worked for us, sure. Do I think I treated my daughter with a disservice because I breastfed her for so long? Nope. I have a two year old that knows and understands that breasts are there for milk making. (She'll point to her's and say "MILK!") I also have so many wonderful memories of snuggling with my baby girl over the years. I can only hope to have those same memories with any other children I might have.

And from the geek side of me, I can blame breastfeeding for turning my daughter into a geek. Many times, when she was an infant, the only way I could get her to relax was to lay her on my boppy pillow and make sure it was touching my computer desk. It made the pillow vibrate just slightly. She was nurse to sleep and occasionally watch whatever game I was playing. (World of Warcraft then and later on Everquest 2) Hell, the computer room was where she slept many nights because of the white noise.

I will never forget while we were still in the hospital after Ali's birth. I think she was a day or two old. She was epic nursing like newbies do. I had my breakfast on my tray, munching on it. I also had my laptop up browsing some forums. The nursery nurse came in and just laughed. She was amazed that Ali was my first. She said I looked like it was old habits. The nurses at the hospital I delivered Ali at were truely a great kick start to the breastfeeding. They were majorly supportive and helpful to make sure we got it down pat. I thank them for that.

I can only hope that by the time my children have kids, that the breastfeeding statics will be more along with the rest of the world. That Ali won't have to worry about being told to go to the bathroom to feed her child, ect. Would you want to eat your meal in a public restroom? Do bottle feeding Mom's have to feed their children in a restroom? I do believe in being modest and covering up/minimalizing the exposed breast. I don't think that warrants making the breastfeeding mom feel wrong for just feeding her child. I just can hope that those points of views will change. It's not gross. Breasts have been objects by which to feed babies for years before they were sexualized.

The thing that always gets me the most about the American controversy over breastfeeding in public: There is more skin on television and magazine covers than a breastfeeding mom exposes.

Here is a link to the World Health Organization's fact sheet on breastfeeding:

Fun facts

The Little Moments

Talking with Ryan today and then listening to some music tonight, sparked this blog. When we were talking tonight, I was talking about how taking our daughter to an amusement park will surely ended up in an injury. Now, what does my just back from sea, still fresh in boat mode husband say:

"You are one to talk."

*sigh* lol God bless boat mode, it gets better!

"Hey! That wasn't my fault! I was sick, but I'll give you credit, I did walk into that one."

"Well, you actually fell into it."

(Backstory, I passed out in the middle of Disney, black eye, slight tear to my eye lid, gnarly scrap, ect.)

One thing I can always count out is that my husband will joke around. As he told me once after we first moved in together, if he wasn't joking with me he didn't like me. Well I guess after almost 7 years of jokes, he still likes having me a around. I can definitely already see the change the sea has had on him. He is back to himself. Ryan + long shore duty = Cranky Ryan. I hate the entire "being away from him" part of sea duty, but it's a little quirk about him that makes him him. He is a sailor.

It's amazing the little quirks that you get used to and miss. I never seem to miss the big things as much. I always miss the small details - How he says my name in the morning, the short jokes, the wise cracks, ect. And apparently I still have horrible timing to call him RIGHT as he sits down to eat. *grin* LOL

We have the road trip coming up, which should be interesting. We both have "quirks" about road tripping, and this will be our first road trip to Phoenix since Ali came along. I will say that this patrol brought me a new understand of things - including my husband's little quirks. Like some days, he just has to have a day to himself. He got a good chuckle when I asked for that for our anniversary and then a date night with him.

I can't believe that this September marks seven years. As some people have asked me, "Why haven't I killed him yet?" I just laugh. He is an acquired taste that if you just judge at first glance, he might come off harsh. Have we had rough patches? Sure. I think all couples do. But, like the point of this blog post, it's the little things that help get your through. I can always count on him to be calm and keep things grounded. (Lord knows I live in the clouds 95% of the time.) I feel so blessed to have him in my life. Wouldn't trade him for anything. Well, maybe a non-snoring model. *snicker* Nahhh. Too quiet!



Ryan laughed when he first heard this song, because something very similar happened to us like the cake talked about in the song. Not to mention, he laughs everytime I get all frustrated or upset over the little things that happen to go wrong.

It's Over!

With a phone call I had this afternoon, this patrol is over. My husband is back on dry land. All is well as it can be. (It would be better if we were there, but we'll see him soon.) For all the "keeping it together" that I've done, I still got all teary eyed and rambling when I heard his voice. I haven't talked to him on the phone since May. As those that know Ryan, he isn't much of a phone person, so I'll be calling him back later. *giggle* I'm just happy he is home.

This patrol did show me what I can do this. After 5 (or 6, I lost count) years at NOTU, I got very used to Ryan being home or atleast in phone contact constantly. So, the thought of a patrol, scared me to death. I've shown myself that I can do this. I can keep everything together, keep the kid alive, and keep myself alive. Do sometimes I think I took the "easy" way out by going home? Sure. But it ways it was harder cause I didn't have some of my usual coping things.

Alison hasn't talked to him yet. I think she had an idea I was waiting for a call today. I mentioned it in passing last night. This morning she saw my cell by my bed and went "Daddy?" Little girl picks up on small things these days. Should be interesting to see if she'll talk to him on the phone tonight. It's always a hit or miss. Giggle point: Apparently Ryan really did eat a lot of pizza underway. I find that hilarious that she was so sure daddy was eating pizza.

Now the wait to see when we have leave, when he'll be here, and what the plan is. I can be patient (somewhat) for that though, because I can atleast talk to him now.

The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner

My Twilight love made it a must to read this book. Especially after seeing Eclipse, I just wondered more about Bree. This book was a very nice incite to the newborn side of the Twilight word, and the mystery that is entwined in it.

The book is written from first person, with Bree as the narrator. You have some familiar characters: The Cullens, Riley, Victoria, and the Werewolves (Though Bree doesn't know what they are). The book is a fairly quick read. It was about 93 pages in the digital version. The story moves fairly fast, and once it hooks you, it's hard to step away. This story does make me more curious to see if Stephanie Myer might release other stories from the vampire point of view. It's rather nice to see the Twilight word outside of Bella's brain.

New toy!

Well, I finally caved and spent the change jar fund. I had to add in a little extra from my money, but I have a new toy.



So far I love it. I've getting some free classics to have to read to Alison. For me, I'm only getting one book at a time. Then I'll buy another one. It's super easy to buy and download them, so not too worried. I also love how I can side load pdf files. It also has sudoku which I love. I know it will be nice to have with all of the traveling that sea duty will bring for us. No more lugging books around. I do hope some of my favorite series eventually make it to eBook versions.

I can see Ryan shaking his head already. LOL

10 things that my husband says that "worry" me

(Please note this posting is in full jest of my silly husband's submariner ways. An email from him today sparked this little list. Enjoy.)

These are in no real order.

1) "I'm back to my old pranking self."

2) *giggles for more than 15 seconds*

3) "So you see what happened was..."

4) "So I was thinking..."

5) "This is a short cut."

6) "This one time, at band camp..."

7) "I was bored on watch, and..."

8) "I did not hurt myself..much..."

9) "I've been deemed special at work again..."

10) "Missile Move."

Finding my strength

I hope everyone had a good holiday weekend. I had a fairly good one, but it wasn't perfect. Ryan is still underway. I always feel incomplete when he is gone. If one thing I've learned from this patrol, is that I can find the strength without him. I have to. It's hard to lean on a person playing hide and go seek in the ocean. I can't be a sobbing pile of goo and still take care of my daughter. And according to Ryan, he knows I can do this.

I can hear his "I told you so" as I type this. For those that know me, you know I'm a very introverted and feeling person. (For those that like specifics, I'm an INFJ.) Now, my husband has tweaked some of those, just due to his personality being strong than mine. It's been for the good. It's shown me that in hard times, like patrol nights where it just seems to be dragging and the toddler isn't listening, that I can do this. I can keep everything together.

Even with this strength I've found, it's still hard. I will also still be glad when my husband is home safe, and it won't be all on me. I hope he is doing okay out there, where ever he is.

Vampires!

For those that know me, I've had a thing for vampires for awhile. (Yes, even before Twilight.) It all started back when I was in middle school, and I watched Interview with the Vampire.



I fell in love with the storyline. I found out that it was based on the Anne Rice book, so I decided to check it out from the library. Apparently most normal middle schoolers don't read that type of book, so I needed my mom to check it out for me. I took the book to my seventh grade reading day and got told I couldn't read it without a note from my mom. My teacher thought I was looney, I think. hehe I eventually read Interview with the Vampire, Lestat and Queen of the Damned. I still need to read the remaining books in The Vampire Chronicles. Of the two movies made, I do have to say that I liked Stuart Townsend's Lestat best.



After the Anne Rice vampires, I found the Underworld series a few years later. It was a set of three movies that started in 2003. These movies also really introduced Werewolves to me and just how "interesting" they could be. I think of the three Underworld movies, I love the second one the best. I do also like the third one, as it gives more background into Lucian's life and how he rallied the werewolves.



My next big vampire like came with the television show - Moonlight. I really hate that they canceled it after online one season. Atleast they did manage to wrap things up by the finale.



And yes, I do like Twilight. Shoot me, if you must. I read the books before the movies. The books are superior to the movies, which is almost always how it is. I'm rather curious to go see Eclipse this weekend. I had hoped to re-read the books before hand, but my daughter has had other plans.



Who knows exactly why I've always had a love for Vampire stories and books? At this point my husband just shakes his head and giggles at my "Vampire stuff." I think a lot of it is the mystery and excitement. It's also something that is fantasy, with just enough ties to reality to make it very interesting. I've always been one to love stories that could transport you to somewhere different, yet keep you a little grounded with something familiar.

Want some neat facts for a closing to this rambling:

Sophie Myles, whom played vampire Erika in Underworld, plays the human, Beth, who falls in love with Mick, a vampire, in Moonlight.

Michael Sheen is well known for playing Lucian, the ruler of the Lycans (Werewolves) in Underworld. He switches teams in the Twilight: New Moon movie when he plays the vampire Aro, whom is the head of the Volturi.

Living up to my last name...

For the last week or so, I've been sucked into a new game. (I know...total shocker! lol) I haven't gotten to write much (aka none), and needless to say, I've been moody. Maybe time to get back into some daily writing to keep myself sane! Not to mention, I'm starting to loose control of my "compartmentalizing" of things with the husband unit gone. Aka - Focusing WAY to freaking much on the Calendar. Did I mention those are evil little things when you realize just how long it's been since you've hugged, kissed, and even talked to your husband on the phone? My parent's watching the news doesn't help much, but thankfully, I can tune that out.

I'm ready for June to be done with. It's been a month. So here I sit, listening to some of my "moody" day music - Evanescence. Days like this, I can't listen to the music that makes me think of Ryan. I'll end up in a slobbering pile of goo. (I'll probably still add in a song or two there tonight cause I'm a glutton for punishment some days.)

To keep up a theme I seem to have started...here are a few of my favorite songs by Evanescence:

This is Bring Me To Life. I think this was the first song from them that hooked me. I think it was on the Daredevil soundtrack?



Call Me When You're Sober - I just like the song, and the video concept. Ryan would call it my artsie fartsie side kicking in. hehe



My Immortal - This song has always just touched me for some reason. The video being in black and white has strengthened that.

The Change Jar #4

This is the change jar as of June 5th. (Yeah...little delayed posting this. lol) It's grown a good bit. You can notice that the bills are bound. That's because it's a 100 dollars! I figured that would make my counting easier to group it that way. I'm considering rolling some of the change as it collects. We'll see.

So the run down now is:

Cash - $100.00
Coin - $12.90

Farmer's Market Fun

This morning we went to the first Farmer's Market here for the season. This is the first time Alison and I have been here for the start. Oh my at the fresh veggies, fruit and other yummy things. Alison had a ball being able to pick out things that she liked and pay for them. She picked out some strawberries and blueberries. All total we spent about 100 dollars between Mom and I, but it was worth it. I'd rather give my money to the farmer's that grew the stuff than take my chances with trying to find good stuff at the store.

Here are some pictures of our haul:









The corn was an interesting find. Mom and Dad said the vendors have been there as long as they remember. People were lining up for this corn even before the market opened. And I'm talking a LONG line. They where buying it dozens upon dozens of ears of corn at a time. hehe. Right before we left, the line had gotten loads shorter, so I jumped in and snagged some.

Thankful

This Memorial Day, I won't be near my sailor. He is currently on patrol and will be for awhile. It's his job, and one I'm very proud of him for doing. Before we met, all I knew of the military came from growing up near Barksdale Air Force Base and a few National Guard posts. I had no real connection to the military, if that makes sense. Let alone an understand of everything that goes into the job of serving in the military.

In the years since high school and meeting my husband, I've known folks in every service. While all very different jobs, in the end, they are all as hard. All of them as tough. All of them as honorable. I've also heard, read and learned so many stories of heroics beyond the bounds of human comprehension. Men diving on a grenade to save their guys. Leaders doing anything they can to accomplish the mission while doing everything in their power to keep their crew safe. Make a sacrifice to protect their families and the other folks back home.

I'm a softy when it comes to military. Probably more so know due to understand the full range of emotions that you go through when your loved one is away. I cry when they show homecomings on the news, and my heart breaks when the show the caskets draped with the flag. Thankfully, I've never personally known someone lost. I hope it stays that way.

To all those that serve, have served, and hope to serve one day - Thank you. My heart is with you all on this Memorial Day. And as I mentioned in a previous blog, I love music and the way it conveys emotions. So here are a few patriotic songs that are near and dear to my heart.

Trace Adkin's Arlington



Toby Keith's Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue



This next video is for Toby Keith's American Soldier. I know that this probably best describes my husband's view of his time in the Navy and why he does it. I'm proud of him, and I hope he is doing well today.

The Change Jar #3

So the total now, as of 5/21/10, is $52.81. You might ask, "What prompted the steep jump from last tally?" Well, I kept true to my word about what was in my wallet at pay day went in. I found a twenty dollar bill that I had forgotten about.

Here is the break down:

Cash - $43.00
Coin - $9.81

Bubble Bubble, go to hell...

(Don't ask about the title. It's a giggle point from a story of my husband's. hehe. If you want the story, ask him.)

I miss my husband. It's setting in that he is somewhere in the ocean playing hide and go seek. (Or maybe filming a remake of Flipper and swimming with the dolphins...hrmmm) Or if you ask our daughter, her daddy is eating pizza, on a submarine, in the Ocean. Silly girl.

Ryan, aka the Husband Unit, has made music a huge part of my life. Many memories of him are tied to songs. I've also listened to music that I never dreamed I would of. Things from show tunes to The Red Army Choir. (Yes...he has a wide collection of music.) One of the first few conversations we had together, he ended up letting it be known that he had seen Moulin Rouge. After I got over the shock that a guy actually knew the movie existed more than the fact Nicole Kidman was in skimpy outfits, I was impressed. He knew the songs and sang. *insert swooning* Then came the band geek stories, and then the road trip with those stupid parody cds. LOL.

I figure since music sort of keeps me sane lately, I can post some videos of the songs I'm listening, too. Here are two songs by 3 Doors Down that I love. When I'm Gone is actually the ring tone for Ryan's call on my cell. I also totally love the homecoming footage in the video for When I'm Gone, especially the little girl in the sailor suit kissing her daddy.





This last song is for the National Guard. I still love it because it's very true for all military.



I miss Ryan. I need to stop looking at the calendar. Time is dragging. I'm thinking it's time to start a hobby or book or something. Maybe blog more. We'll see. Who knows if anyone actually reads this. LOL

Does True Love Last?

Recently I went to see the movie Letters to Juliet. This is a movie, as my husband would describe, that is completely for the hopeless romantic F-side of my personality. As an aside, the story of Romeo and Juliet has always been a favorite of mine. (Please reference the previous "hopeless romantic f-side statement...)

So of course this movie sparked my curiosity: A young writer finds a letter from 50 years ago at the wall under Juliet's balcony in Verona, Italy. She writes back as Juliet, and the lady (Claire) comes to Verona with her grandson Charlie. Claire wants to see if she can find her lost love Lorenzo. She does find Lorenzo, and their love is still as fresh as 50 years before.

I walk out of the theater wondering "Can true love last through those many years or through hardships or through separations?"

I write this blog being a woman sitting here missing her husband. He is a submariner, whom deploys for 3-4 months at a time. It's not a huge time period, but we pretty much have zero communications. (Seriously...sometimes messenger pigeons would be more reliable.) We've been together over seven years, and will be married seven years come September. I'm almost afraid to add up the amount of time that he has not been home. This patrol makes our third together, then there is also the many trips with his shore command. So we're getting this "good bye" thing down.

I've seen our marriage hold together through all the time a part, major stress due to medical stuff, and stress from work. Even though we are polar opposites personality wise (Myers Brigg test), we've made it work. We know each other's weak spots, and we know each others strong points. I'm the planner. He is the executor. The favorite example my father-in-law loves to use to describe us is a simple shopping trip. I make the list, give it to my husband, and he navigates. To be honest, it took us awhile to get the "rhythm down." I wouldn't trade him for the world though.

Back to my point, yes, I think true love can last. But, you have to want it. In Letters to Juliet, Claire and Franco both want it. (A neat fact, the actors that play Clair and Lorenzo (Vanessa Redgrave and Franco Nero) are real life lovers. They broke up a few times, but always ended up back together. They are now married.) True love won't always be the perfect sugary romances you see in the movies.

You have to live through the rough times. I still remember talking to my father-in-law one night after a rough day. (Within the same 24 hour period, I had found out my husband was majorly hyper thyroid and that my grandmother had lung cancer.) He told me that times like that would test the marriage and myself, but that I had to not give up on either. How true that statement was. Those rough times have taught my husband and I many things about ourselves. We still have days where throttling the other seems to be a good idea, but that passes quickly. We have a beautiful daughter together (who has the stubborn streak of bother her parent's...God help me...lol), and we have a life that, while not a perfect Utopia, is one that I wouldn't want to give up. And hell, Utopia would get boring after awhile with everything being the same. (Gah...the spontaneous husband is wearing off on me! *grin*)

To close this, I share a quote originally told to me by my husband, whom heard it from his father. "You don't marry the one you can live with. You marry the one you can't live without."

The Change Jar #2

So I totaled it up the other day while the Little One was off tormenting her grandmother. (Little One loves change lately and thinks it all belongs to her. lol)

As of May 9th, 2010: $26.12

Neat facts:

- It's almost a palindrome of the first total of 11.62 (The geeky husband would giggle at me noticing this.)
- I've also started putting 5 dollar bills in. I had some in my wallet the other day when I was cleaning it, so I tossed them in.
- The little notebook in there is my tally book.

The Change Jar

A little challenge for myself while here in Louisiana. Along with trying to stow away money into our savings, I'm going to try to save some change as well. When I'm here, I tend to pull out cash and use it more, because card machines aren't in every store we frequent. Especially once the festivals and Farmer's Market start up. So I got a jar to see how much I can save in it while we are here. All change and dollar bills go into it. I probably will also dump some extra money in there if I have some left in my wallet come pay day. It's an experiment, so we'll see how it works. I do not plan to touch the money in the jar until 1) We leave. 2) It gets full. 3) Emergency.

I might count it monthly. We'll see. Without further ado, a picture of the start of this experiment. This is only about 3 weeksish worth of change.

Whew.

Long time no post. We are in Louisiana now. Ryan leaves "soon" for his patrol. Alison has been a handful and a half lately. I think 85% of it is "I miss Daddy and don't understand." I hope to catch up on both blogs while we are here. We'll see how that goes. hehe.

Hell froze over!

The Saints won the Super Bowl. Growing up in Louisiana, this is something I never expected to see. Holy shiat! I'm hoping New Orleans doesn't get too crazy between this and it currently being Mardi Gras. I didn't get to watch the game yesterday. (A certain little one wanted to watch Dora. hehe) I did atleast keep up with the score. So glad the Saints pulled away with the win!

Coolest Gamer Experience Ever

Coming up on April this year, I've played MMO's (Think online game with lots of folks hehe) for elven years. (Damn...that makes me feel old.) My current game that is near and dear to my heart, is Everquest 2 (EQ2). The new expansion for EQ2 is currently in beta, and you better believe my geeky arse signed up for it the second registrations opened. Go go laptop that is on at all times. hehe.

So I wait. Patiently. Well, sort of. Finally! I get my email. Download. Install. Copy my character. Attempt to wait patiently. BAM! Leiloki (my character) is copied over and ready to go. So I'm running around, and one day I see in the beta chat one of the developers of the game (Devs) asking for 6 folks for some special testing. I send a tell (message) as fast as my little fingers could type. He tells me to go make a new toon and wait to be summoned.

*faint from Gamer shock while I go make a new toon*

I send Gninja (The dev) a tell with my new character. He summons us to Vasty Deep, one of the new instances (dungeons) in the expansion. I'm to the point of being "Oh my...wow...yay! Neato!" *insert random OMG Shiney talk* Once all six people are there, he gets us into the first dungeon, then beta buffs us. (Beta buff is basically taking you from level 1 to max level + gear instantly for the purpose of testing.) There begins our little adventure.

I got to spend several hours running through two of the three Vasty Deep dungeons with one of the developers from a game that I've spent over a decade playing some form of. It was very cool to get to talk with the dev that made one of the largest (and the first area) you come to in the new expansion. It was neat to hear the other side of the table's views on things, and to put a voice to the folks we only ever see on the forums.

Now when we went through, things were of course buggy, but I swear, that will probably be the neatest run through of Vasty Deep dungeons I will ever do. Gninja also gave us all the panda illusion items. So needless to say, when my panda loving daughter woke up from her nap, she was bouncing off the walls with all the pandas on my screen. It was just an awesome way to spend a Saturday, and I'm thankful I got the chance to get to talk to a dev.

Oh, and if Gninja happens to ever see this - Thank you and GO SAINTS!